I have not written in this blog for 7 years. 7 fucking years.
In that time, i have lost my father, changed jobs, moved 3 times, fell in love, had my heart broken, been emotionally and verbally abused, and had my life changed by two 27 year old musicians.
Not sure if it's worth getting back into this blog, but...i might try,
Saturday, January 21, 2017
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Help
Weekend with Kayla went much better than expected.
Had to come home early on my first day back to work today because my dad was sick. He says he's better now. But, now i am panicking about getting reamed out tomorrow by my boss. the last thing i fucking need right now is to either get suspended, or written up again. God...i don't fucking need this today. :(
Had to come home early on my first day back to work today because my dad was sick. He says he's better now. But, now i am panicking about getting reamed out tomorrow by my boss. the last thing i fucking need right now is to either get suspended, or written up again. God...i don't fucking need this today. :(
Friday, August 6, 2010
Fuck
Tomorrow Kayla comes for her 4 days visit.
Still having car problems, but new ones now....i think i need a new muffler, and might have gotten bad gas last week, so i might need a new fuel pump or fuel filter. So...that right there would be about $600 give or take. Even if it's just a muffler, it might still cost me $300-$500. I have no where near that kind of money right now, and I have no clue what to do. I wish I could say I can just wait until i get my income tax, but...not sure if it will wait that long, if not do more damage.
As if i didn't have enough to stress about, now i have to worry about the car giving me problems while Kayla is here. I'm still nervous about my dad being okay here while we're out. And to be quite honest, I am not happy about spending money this weekend, when i know i should be putting it aside to fix the fucking car.
Part of me is thinking it would be smarter to attempt to get another car. But, since i cut my hours at work, i would never be able to afford it. Plus, if God forbide, i end up having to take that 6 weeks of paid leave, that would totally screw me up with paying any kind of bills. I have no prob keeping the car i have....it's nice not having a car payment every month, but if i have no way of paying for these fucking repairs... Of course i wouldn't be able to get another car if i didn't have a down payment or a decent trade in anyways.
So, basically i'm fucked.
Please God...let everything go alright during the visit with Kayla. No major crisis. And PLEASE at least let the car be okay until i get this damn bonus I'm supposed to get from work. That would prob pay for at least part of the repairs.
Still having car problems, but new ones now....i think i need a new muffler, and might have gotten bad gas last week, so i might need a new fuel pump or fuel filter. So...that right there would be about $600 give or take. Even if it's just a muffler, it might still cost me $300-$500. I have no where near that kind of money right now, and I have no clue what to do. I wish I could say I can just wait until i get my income tax, but...not sure if it will wait that long, if not do more damage.
As if i didn't have enough to stress about, now i have to worry about the car giving me problems while Kayla is here. I'm still nervous about my dad being okay here while we're out. And to be quite honest, I am not happy about spending money this weekend, when i know i should be putting it aside to fix the fucking car.
Part of me is thinking it would be smarter to attempt to get another car. But, since i cut my hours at work, i would never be able to afford it. Plus, if God forbide, i end up having to take that 6 weeks of paid leave, that would totally screw me up with paying any kind of bills. I have no prob keeping the car i have....it's nice not having a car payment every month, but if i have no way of paying for these fucking repairs... Of course i wouldn't be able to get another car if i didn't have a down payment or a decent trade in anyways.
So, basically i'm fucked.
Please God...let everything go alright during the visit with Kayla. No major crisis. And PLEASE at least let the car be okay until i get this damn bonus I'm supposed to get from work. That would prob pay for at least part of the repairs.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Tuesday
I know i sound like a damn broken record, but i SO need to try and keep up with this journal. It's supposed to be my outlet, and Lord knows i need one. but i just...never think about writing.
I need to change that. *sigh*
I need to change that. *sigh*
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
1:15pm
Waiting for the Dr to come for his visit with my dad.
I feel like I'm going to be sick. Honestly...I have worked myself up so much, that I feel physically sick.
I just want this done and over with. My nerves are fucking shot.
4.10pm
Dr appt went went ok. Now my dad is having bad pains in his left side. He said they feel like muscle spasms, but he's not sure.
I honestly don't know what to do, and i feel like screaming.
I feel like I'm going to be sick. Honestly...I have worked myself up so much, that I feel physically sick.
I just want this done and over with. My nerves are fucking shot.
4.10pm
Dr appt went went ok. Now my dad is having bad pains in his left side. He said they feel like muscle spasms, but he's not sure.
I honestly don't know what to do, and i feel like screaming.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Short and sweet
My dad's last dr appointment didn't go well. his o2 level was very low, and the dr freaked out. even though my dad's blood work came back fine, and his last xray looked clear, the dr decided to bring up the subject of hospice care. this completely devastated me, and long story short, he's coming back on June 3 to discuss it with us.
Dad has decided, and I agree, that he doesn't need that. He is feeling much better than he has been for a long time, and while he does have breathing problems at times, it's not to the point of completely throwing up our hands and giving up, the way the dr made it sound.
I am nervous about the appointment. i am nervous that it's going to be a disaster, and that the dr will say he no longer can treat my dad. which means...well, that we're screwed.
Dad has decided, and I agree, that he doesn't need that. He is feeling much better than he has been for a long time, and while he does have breathing problems at times, it's not to the point of completely throwing up our hands and giving up, the way the dr made it sound.
I am nervous about the appointment. i am nervous that it's going to be a disaster, and that the dr will say he no longer can treat my dad. which means...well, that we're screwed.
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