The past month has been...crappy.
Lots of problems with my dad, stress with work...the usual.
I was really hoping that kayla wouldn't find out about Daughtry playing in AC while she's here in August. First of all, I'm not a fan, and secondly, I can't afford $200 for a fucking concert. But, thanks to Kevin, she knows. And i know what's going to happen....she's going to try and convince me to go. And even if we don't...she's bound to have a shit load of her drunk friends in town that she's going to want to hang out with. Just fucking great. As if i'm not dreading this weekend enough.
Yes...Kayla is my best friend. Yes...I want to see her. BUT....her being here for 4 days is going to be awkward. She knows I have to spend a lot of that time at home taking care of my dad, and I know she didn't feel comfortable when she was at my house 2 years ago. Yes, she's staying at the Borgata, but still...either she's going to end up spending the majority of her time at the hotel by herself (or more likely now, drinking with her other friends), or she'll be here pretending like she doesn't want to get the hell away. Plus, I was already stressing about how much the Kris Allen tickets were going to cost me...there is no way i can manage $200 (and that's through the Tropicana. If we had to get tickets through Stubhub, it would be a LOT more).
I honestly can't even stress about this right now. I was up all night with my dad, and I'm about ready to pass the fuck out.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Tomorrow
I plan on dropping the car off at the shop, and having him look at the brakes. I am PRAYING it's only warped rotors and nothing more serious/expensive. It's been only a year since i got the brakes done, so it would fucking piss me off to no end if i had to have them done already.
I need a little bit of good news for a change. :(
I need a little bit of good news for a change. :(
Monday, April 5, 2010
Short and Sweet
As if this week wasn't crappy enough already...the bank is dicking around with me again with my dad's check. if it's not in by morning, i have to drag my ass to the bank and fight with those assholes. again.
i can't stand this....
i can't stand this....
Sunday, April 4, 2010
If i ever.......
...came on here to write happy things, that would be the day that someone can be assured that i have been abducted by aliens.
*sigh*
More problems with my dad. Now his blood sugar is running high. It was over 200 when all he had to eat was a bagel and coffee. He has literally been so good about watching the sugar lately, i don't understand what's going on? I mean...he drinks diet soda. Using sugar substitute in his coffee. He has cut WAY back on cookies etc, and still...his sugar is high. i was thinking maybe it had to do with him being on a higher dose of the water pill....he gets thirsty a lot and pees all the time. But he always does that when he takes the water pill. now I'm worried that it's not the water pill but the diabetes going crazy.
fuck. I don't know what to do. I mean, it seems like when i make adjustments for one problem, something else pops up and knocks me on my ass all over again. i feel like such a fucking failure. like no matter what i do....it's never enough. it's never the right thing for him.
*sigh*
More problems with my dad. Now his blood sugar is running high. It was over 200 when all he had to eat was a bagel and coffee. He has literally been so good about watching the sugar lately, i don't understand what's going on? I mean...he drinks diet soda. Using sugar substitute in his coffee. He has cut WAY back on cookies etc, and still...his sugar is high. i was thinking maybe it had to do with him being on a higher dose of the water pill....he gets thirsty a lot and pees all the time. But he always does that when he takes the water pill. now I'm worried that it's not the water pill but the diabetes going crazy.
fuck. I don't know what to do. I mean, it seems like when i make adjustments for one problem, something else pops up and knocks me on my ass all over again. i feel like such a fucking failure. like no matter what i do....it's never enough. it's never the right thing for him.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Update
So, the last week or so has had it's ups and downs.
My dad's dr appt didn't go very well. He ordered a chest x ray because he couldn't hear his lungs very well. Sure enough, there's fluid building up in them. So he doubled his Lasix meds. He's also doing breathing treatments 3 times a day.
Work has been....frustrating. i feel like such an outsider there. I don't talk to anyone anymore. I'm treated like an outcast ever since my boss put me back on register full time. I have so much...pent up pain and sadness wrapped up in that place. It's so toxic for me, but I have no way of escape.
The swelling in my lymph nodes have gone down finally. The car isn't running that well...kind of stuttering a little at times, and still has the vibration when i apply the brakes sometimes.
I've decided to try and get back into writing again. Not sure how that will turn out. Esp since ATH is absolutely a ghost town these days, and...again...I feel like an outsider on CT. Plus, there's the whole fact that Lisa is still a psycho, and I don't really enjoy the idea of her reading my stories and then commenting on them with her band of followers. I know how fucking catty she is. I used to be on the receiving end of her little cruel commentaries about some of the people on IOC. I joined Carlie's board, which is also quiet, but I guess I will focus on posting my old stuff there for now. I wrote a whopping 2 chapters of Mirror since Monday. But, i'm not pushing myself.
Other than that....not much going on really. I'm holding on til May 6 for my vacay. I need some time off desperately. I also HAVE to remember to put in for the time off in August when Kayla is coming to visit. I keep forgetting, and since Kayla has already bought her ticket, and booked her room, I can't wait until Char thinks it's too late to request it off.
Some days....even though i adore my father, and wouldn't trade the time i have with him for *anything*, I wish I had a different life. A happier, less stressful life.
My dad's dr appt didn't go very well. He ordered a chest x ray because he couldn't hear his lungs very well. Sure enough, there's fluid building up in them. So he doubled his Lasix meds. He's also doing breathing treatments 3 times a day.
Work has been....frustrating. i feel like such an outsider there. I don't talk to anyone anymore. I'm treated like an outcast ever since my boss put me back on register full time. I have so much...pent up pain and sadness wrapped up in that place. It's so toxic for me, but I have no way of escape.
The swelling in my lymph nodes have gone down finally. The car isn't running that well...kind of stuttering a little at times, and still has the vibration when i apply the brakes sometimes.
I've decided to try and get back into writing again. Not sure how that will turn out. Esp since ATH is absolutely a ghost town these days, and...again...I feel like an outsider on CT. Plus, there's the whole fact that Lisa is still a psycho, and I don't really enjoy the idea of her reading my stories and then commenting on them with her band of followers. I know how fucking catty she is. I used to be on the receiving end of her little cruel commentaries about some of the people on IOC. I joined Carlie's board, which is also quiet, but I guess I will focus on posting my old stuff there for now. I wrote a whopping 2 chapters of Mirror since Monday. But, i'm not pushing myself.
Other than that....not much going on really. I'm holding on til May 6 for my vacay. I need some time off desperately. I also HAVE to remember to put in for the time off in August when Kayla is coming to visit. I keep forgetting, and since Kayla has already bought her ticket, and booked her room, I can't wait until Char thinks it's too late to request it off.
Some days....even though i adore my father, and wouldn't trade the time i have with him for *anything*, I wish I had a different life. A happier, less stressful life.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
More and more...
Dr Bolich was out to see my dad today. His O2 level was low, even after the dr pumped up the machine to 5 liters. So, he ordered a chest xray. Plus, he said he had trouble hearing his lungs. AND, he was supposed to be using his nebulizer ever since he came out of the hospital, but I didn't know that, because I never got a script for the machine etc. But, somehow the dr made it seem like i just wasn't giving it to him. Then he made a big deal of checking all his meds to make sure he was taking everything he's supposed to. I feel like a complete fucking failure right now. And I have to turn around and deal with fucking work tomorrow on top of ALLLLL of this other shit that is piling up on me.
I'm such a fucking wreck right now. The last thing I needed was more fucking stress, and this is just about enough to push me over the edge into some kind of downward spiral.
I'm such a fucking wreck right now. The last thing I needed was more fucking stress, and this is just about enough to push me over the edge into some kind of downward spiral.
Monday, March 22, 2010
3 Days Of Freedom
After the week I had, I am so damn grateful to be off from work for the next 3 days.
My neck was hurting really badly when I woke up this morning. I think it was mainly because I slept with my head in an awkward position. Of course, I have my period, and I have been an emotional basketcase the last couple of days too...mainly over the swollen lymph nodes. I promised myself I wouldn't obsess over them anymore, but it's impossible not to. I look on the internet, and all I see are contradictions and doom and gloom. It's making me feel even worse, so I need to stop. I'm hoping it's mainly due to the rash I have on my scalp. It's on the back of my head on the right, so it would make sense that the nodes would swell only on that side, which it is right now. Also, the node behind my ear has gotten smaller over the last 2 days, so I'm trying not to panic, and be positive about things.
I'm planning on watching DWTS, and than turning in for an early night for a change. Let's see if that actually happens, or if i end up being awake until 2-3am.
My neck was hurting really badly when I woke up this morning. I think it was mainly because I slept with my head in an awkward position. Of course, I have my period, and I have been an emotional basketcase the last couple of days too...mainly over the swollen lymph nodes. I promised myself I wouldn't obsess over them anymore, but it's impossible not to. I look on the internet, and all I see are contradictions and doom and gloom. It's making me feel even worse, so I need to stop. I'm hoping it's mainly due to the rash I have on my scalp. It's on the back of my head on the right, so it would make sense that the nodes would swell only on that side, which it is right now. Also, the node behind my ear has gotten smaller over the last 2 days, so I'm trying not to panic, and be positive about things.
I'm planning on watching DWTS, and than turning in for an early night for a change. Let's see if that actually happens, or if i end up being awake until 2-3am.
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